PrayerWarriors:ThreatofSatanic CommonismCOMMENTARY
by I Heart Thomas Brown
Summary: Well, once upon a time there was someone named BelieverInChrist. He wrote 6 very disturbing fics violating Christianity and the works of Rick Riordan and JKR. This is a commentary for the third fic, in which Tommy-boy confuses Lennon and Lenin.
1. Chapter 1

**Hello, how are you feeling today? I might as well ask you now, especially if you're homosexual, Chinese, Russian, English, Communist, Satanist, a Beatles fan, a Democrat, or even a Christian yourself, because you're going to need some politeness to get you through the following fanfiction. I did not write this myself, all credit goes to Thomas Finnegan William Brown.**

* * *

><p><em>Thomas: This is my new fan-fiction.<em>** We see that.**_  
>Jesus: And a fine one at that.<em>** Well, this chapter is short, so it's definitely an improvement over the last fic.**_  
>Thomas: And who will punished on Judgement day?<em>** Golly gee, I just can't decide! Could it be the stereotyping jackass? The xenophobic psychopath? The misdirected misogynist? Nah, can't be, they're all pure and holy. Must be that misunderstood teenage girl with a crush on her female classmate, the civil rights activist, and the sweet nerd that tries to find a scientific explanation for everything.**_  
>Jesus: Atheists, gays, liberals, and lesbians.<br>Thomas: Thankyou for answering that. Amen._

Pro-lodge

**Pro-lodge… the lodge where professional hunters hang out and write fanfiction.**

It was 1918, John Lennon **wasn't alive yet **walked through the halls happy about what he had just done. **Becoming one of the most popular bands in history? **With the help of Satan and a few evil false gods, he had managed to take over Russia. **Well, I'm sure the Beatles had die-hard fans in every country, but they did that through music, not with the aid of Satan. **He will turn everyone to the way of communism, where everyone was equal. **In a financial sense, at least. Pity that would never work. **But this was a lie. John Lennon decided that he had to force everyone to worship Satan and the evil Roman gods Jupiter and Parodies.

His next task was to talk to his enslaved people. He walk out onto the bloomy, and saw all the people, all of them Christian. And he looked out at them.

"**We all live in a yellow submarine!"**

"Execute them all. Burn them and then send then to the lamas. **Here's a llama. There's a llama. And another little llama. Fuzzy llama, funny llama, llama, llama, duck. **I am a Satanists, and only atheists, Satanists, gays and lesbians will live in my country. **Population will dwindle pretty damn fast. **Now bloody die!" he yelped!

**I was once a treehouse. I lived in a cake.**

Everyone ran around panicking. **But they never saw the way, the orange slayed the rake. **They all prayed to god as the satanic shoulders **I wasn't aware femurs were lethal. **killed them. **Now I'm only three years dead, but I told a tale. And know listen, little child, to the safety rail. **Knowingly to all those that managed to escape, God and his eternal son Jesus Christ had a plan for them. He was going to send profit **please not Jerry, please not Jerry **who would free them from John Lennon`s weevil grip. That person was going to be the Prayer Warrior Percy Jackson and his friend Grover and Anna Beth.** Didn't both of them die already in Evil Gods Part One?**

**Okay.**

**Did you ever see a llama?**


	2. Chapter 2

**I apologize for not updating in a while. I was sick, and believe it or not, Tommy-boy is even harder to tolerate when you're already coughing up a lung.**

Clarisse La Rue, **I always loved Clarisse's name… it doesn't suit her very well, but I just love French names **who had recent converted to Christianity, proving herself worthy of becoming a Prayer Warrior, **She proved herself worthy to join a lame-ass clubhouse by converting to Christianity? **the second women to do so, killed Karl McCaughey, a **freelance photography artist living in Ireland. Seriously. He's done some cover photos for Dubliner magazine. **commander in the soviet army, who had been made priest of the Official Satanic Order of Russia, **You mean the Order of the Eastern Star? That's not Satanic. The five points of the star have several representations, one of which** **is women in the Bible. Ah, but I forgot… feminism is "stanic", is it not? **and was honoured among the blinded people as though he were a god. **Why would blind people honour him? They can't even see his photos. **Clarisse chased him as he was flying before her, **Anything to get that perfect snapshot, huh? **struck him with her sword upon the arm, and lopped her strong hand from off it. The bloody hand fell to the ground, and the shades of death, with fate that no man can withstand, came over the Satanist`s eyes.

**Wow. Poetic.**

**But he died just because she amputated his hand? Well, if he doesn't stem it, blood loss will kill him pretty fast, but not immediately… Wormtail chopped off his hand, and he was just fine. Didn't even get toxic shock syndrome.**

Clarisse saw another Satanist named Jill Pole **From… Narnia? **coming at her. She aimed a spear, and hit him as he came striding on. **I hate to break it to you, Tommy-boy, but Jill is a girl. **His cuirass of bronze did not protect him, and the spear stuck in his belly, **The spear can cut through bronze? Excellent sharpening skills, Clarisse. But it would have been much easier to use your electric spear and fry him… but then again, bronze isn't that great an electricity conductor… it's okay, but not good. **so that he fell heavily to the ground. With this Clarisse began dragging him by the foot through the thick of the fight booty for he had a good gun on him, and she really liked good guns, **Don't we all? **but another communist shoulder came up to protect the body, on foot, **What's the bet it was Eustace? **in front of his horses which his esquire drove so close behind him that he could feel their 'breath upon his shoulder. He was longing to strike down Clarisse, but he could not do so for Clarisse thrashed him with her spear in the throat under the chin, and the bronze point went clean through it. He fell as an oak, or poplar, or pine **Does it even MATTER? A falling tree by any name is still a falling tree. **which shipwrights have felled for ship's timber upon the mountains with whetted axes- even thus did he laid full length in front of his chariot and horses, grinding his teeth and clutching at the blood-stained body of the one he was trying to defend. His charioteer was struck with panic and did not dare turn his horses round and escape: **Why didn't he dare? Clarisse, with all her heft, isn't very fast. He could outrun her easily. **with Clarisse hitting him in the middle of his body with a spear; his cuirass of bronze did not protect him, **These guys need better bronze **and the spear stuck in his belly. He fell gasping from his chariot and Clarisse stabbed her foot into the face of the dead Satanic, therefore mutilating the body.** Tommy-boy needs to learn respect. I recommend at least two hours of listening to Aretha Franklin every day.**

"To all those that want to fight me, beware, God is on my side. Jesus will have his revenge on Soviet Russia. Soon a greater Prayer Warrior coming and he will kill you communist leader John Lennon. Amen."

**All you need is love.**

And Clarisse died a martyr's death. **God must have tired of her violence and rambling. I know I would. **Many evil Satanists were upon her, who was also gays and lesbians. **It's called revenge, dear, not an unprovoked attack to glorify Satan. My guess is, very few of the people who attacked you were Satanist. In fact, I doubt some of them were actually gay themselves.**


	3. Chapter 3

_Tomas: _**How sad. He misspelled his own name. Several times. **_Am I being saved by writing this fan-fiction?  
>Jesus Christ: Yes son, you be saved. Well done for doing the good work for me. You will be rewarded.<em>** I have recently discovered Tylenol does not work for me. Advil does, but not Tylenol.**_  
>Toms: I am glad that will happen.<em>** Too bad it ain't gonna, you xenophobic COD-addict.**_  
>Jesus Christ: And is there any more news?<br>Tomas: Yes. My brother tried to kill himself last night. _**He's fine now, I hope? Well, other than the pent up rage he releases in his rants on fanfiction, and the obvious shame of having a psychopath as an older brother. **_But he is now going to get help to cure him._

**Chapter One**

Hi, my named is Percy Jackson and I am a **half-blood, son of Poseidon **Prayer Warrior. I converted to Christianity last year **It's already the year after? Tell me, Percy, what happened to the illegitimate son you had with Mary? How did the whole saving-the-world thing work with you ditching the Greek gods? **when another Christian confronted me, and warned me of my wicked ways. I was a sinner. **Like Jerry's any better? **I killed innocent Christian, **I'm going to take this opportunity to quote DevilSushiFish's review- "**_**This original writer is worse than Pope Urban II, who started the Crusades by basically stating that it is okay to kill people, as long they are not Christians. You can't just kill people because they don't follow the same beliefs! Christianity is not based on forced conversions." **_and because of that, it was going to sending me straight to hell. **Please decide on your tense, Tommy-boy. **By accepting out Lord Jesus Christ as my personal shaver, I stooped myself from bumming in jell.

**I refuse to comment on that line because it is of particular emotional significance to me. Ladies and gentlemen, please remember that sentence- it was those hilariously inappropriate typos that first convinced me to take up the commentary, and now, two-and-a-half months, 43 chapters, and seven emotional breakdowns later, here we are. **

And so I was, in a Church in Chicago, **I love Chicago! Pop, six, squish, uh-uh, Cicero, Lipshitz… **teaching my fellow Christian men about wonders of my last adventure, I got a vision. **Cool beans. **I was in a city in the clouds (not the empire state building, but the actual heaven, not some false god`s one. Olympus had ben burnt to the ground, **How did you manage to do that without coating innocent passerby for miles around the Empire State Building with ash? **and we killed every man **That was probably pretty difficult… seeing as they're immortal and all. **that refused to convert to our lord Jesus Christ, and enslaved their womb).** Men with wombs?** And there was Jesus Christ himself.

"Good news my fiend," Jesus told me. "You fiend Michael **Use the letter "R" more often, Tommy-boy. It gives the impression that everyone is talking more civilly. **(along with the help of Jerry and Ebony) **For those of you new to my commentary, Ebony is another Mary-Sue who dates Draco. She flirted with Harry in order to kill him, married Draco, and after Harry died again Draco randomly married Hermione. Never pegged Draco as much of a bigamist, but whatever. **has destroyed the school of Hogwarts. **HOW IS THAT GOOD NEWS? **But they are in rouble. **They are in Russian money? **A group of evil man that are working for Stan **Collymore, the English football (or soccer, for Americans) pundit? **have kidnapped them."

"Oh my," I said. ( I didn't say God after that because that is a sin, and that would **actually make me sound like a man instead of a sixty-year-old woman **send me to hell). "Can you save them."** Request instead of demanding, dear. It will make your life much easier.**

"Yes," Jesus Said. "But at the cost. **What is the cost, Jesus? Is it Jerry's head? I know that's a bit bloodthirsty, but under the circumstances, don't you think it's justified? **I want you to go back in time and stop something. **That's a bit extreme. It's impossible to travel back in time. Steven Hawking said so. You know, the guy in the wheelchair who pwned Albert Einstein in a rap battle? **Back in 1918 a group of atheists took over a holy country, called The Russia Empire. I want you to stop these men. You will stop many innocent Christian men from dying."** I had to miss theatre rehearsals today, I'm grumpy enough as it is. Don't make me rip you apart for your idiocy.**

"Yes, I said," I will do that.

_And there was war in heaven: Michael and his angels fought against the dragon; and the dragon fought and his angels.-Revelation 12:7_

I woke up, and I took a flight to Russia (the church paid). **They pay for plane tickets? What church is this? I'm joining! **Anna-Beth **Why does everyone in this book keep regenerating? **(the womb that had destroyed Opus) **Annabeth is a uterus that ruined a composition? **came along with me, along with Grover, who had removed his horns, for that was stannic. **They were goat horns. He's a mother-flipping SATYR. **While on the plain **bread with no peanut butter, because peanut butter causes people to die and that is stannic**, we paid that Michele and Ebony were ok. Jerry had meet us at the airsoft.

"Come with me," she said. Jerry drove us about Moscow, **Since when can he drive? **showing us where the evil men were keeping Michael and Ebony. He had come up with a claim to get them out. **Let them die, it's a lot less effort, and this "holey website" will be free of a Mary-Sue and Marty-Stu. **"God and our lord Jesus Christ will help us."

_Tomorrow: Percy Jackson, Annie Beth _**Her name is Annabeth, Tommy-boy. One word. No Annie. Annie is a redheaded orphan with a cute smile and ear-grating singing voice. **_and Groper will join forces with their fiend Jerry to get Michael Agony out of capitalism. _**… the hell? **_To then, pray and hope that God will have mercy on you, sinners._

**This chapter took forever… I'll update again tomorrow.**


	4. Chapter 4

**I made a mistake. The chapter I uploaded last night was chapter 6, not chapter 4. The chapter names confused me, and I messed up. Sorry about that. Here's the proper chapter 4-**

_Author Note: I am not an authoritarian._** Authoritarian is an adjective, not a noun. But another way to say it is dictatorial, so I have to say that word is perfect to describe you.**_ Do not insult me with such a comment._** Well, you insult me and everyone else with every word you write. I suppose it's justified.**_ Hitler was one for he was an atheists and didn't allow freedom of religion, including sending good Christian men to their deaths,_** Not that many. His troops killed many soldiers, a lot of whom were Christian, but, when compared to the number of homosexuals, Jews, and disabled people that died as a result of Hitler's hate-preaching regime, the amount of Christians is relatively small.**_ and he didn't believe in a free trade. I believe that business have the right to do whatever they want, as long as it is in rules of the Bible. How dare the government control the business, _**Because the government is trying to make sure the businesses' products and services are safe for the public, that employees are receiving proper salaries and benefits, so on and so forth. **_like the control us at schools by not letting us prey._** They aren't forbidding you from praying, Tommy-boy, the public school system just doesn't set apart time in the schedule for it. You might have known that if you actually went to school instead of believing everything mommy and daddy tell you.**_ I believe that even our army should be privatised, because I do not trust our Satanic governmental with the control of the military. _**The military, a private business? God forbid that should ever happen. **_Obama is secret a muslin, _**The American president is secretly a loosely-woven cotton fabric originating from Bangladesh? **_and do we wart something like that in charge of people that could kill god Christian men? _**He doesn't wield exclusive power, Tommy-boy. There's a big difference between presidents and kings. **_No! Now let Christian business control our military!_** Business owners are mostly concerned with revenue. Nobody would want to own the military. Wars are money-leeches and don't earn a cent. That would never work.**_ Amen._** Do you even know what that word means?**

**Chapter Two**

And so we preyed to our lord Rhesus **Your lord is a king from Greek mythology? **Christ that we would help us to save our fiends from prison, and then be able to go back in time and kill the cartoonists. **Why kill cartoonists? They didn't do anything wrong! **Jeremy **Lin, the basketball player? **came up with a plane that would get Ebony into the prison **Isn't it Ebony they're trying to free? **disguised as a whore, who would distract the guards while Michael **Michael, too? Who exactly are they going to free if Ebony and Michael are both not in jail? **finds our fiends and rescue them freedom prison.

And so Ebony wearing a balk seductive dress that could impress any man. **What if the man is gay or asexual? Or a fashion expert? "Honey, that dress is **_**so**_** not you." **She looked like a slut. But because she had prayed to Jesus before handing, asking him to allow her to do such a thing, seeming that she was now married to Michele, **Ebony is married to Michael? What happened to Draco? **André **the Giant, the guy who plays Fezzik in Princess Bride? I love that guy!** granted her premising do to so.

And so we walked up to the guards and said, "Come one boys, come and get some". So they came **to arrest Ebony for prostitution**, and Ebony kicked them the balls and then ripped them out, and then slit their throats. **Great distracting. If you were going to attack them, why bother with the dress? **And then Michael entered the building now that the satanic guards had ben slaughtered.

And a satanic man came forth, pretending to be Jesus Christ himself and deserve good Christian men.. And the man was called Benry! **Okay, unnecessary plot twist. **And I went up to him and I punched him in the stomach. He tried to punch back, but he was very week. **Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, **I then got a sword and stabbed it into his heard, and then I piled out his eyes, and listen his throat. The false profit fell to the ground, dead. I pissed on his body, and militated it. **Yucky.**

Michal then fried Percy Jackson and his friend **Since when were they in jail? **from their prison, and then they returned back to their hotel room, in which they read the Bible.

_**Tomorrow: **__Our Christian heroes go back in time to the time of the holy Tsar!_** Do you know ANYTHING about Russian history?**


	5. Chapter 5

_Author note: How dare you send me all those negative reviews? _**Take a wild guess. And do what the reviewers tell you to do.**_ All those that gave me a band review_** Band reviews? Can I be the lead vocalist?**_ will bum in Nell!_** Nell, the sweet little girl from The Old Curiosity Shop by Charles Dickens?**_ Jesus has given me the power to me to convert Christians from all over the world. So fare_**well, false "profit" **_from my fan fiction that I written I have convert over nine thousand Christians to me cause. _**Story Stats show how many people read your crap, not how many people convert. Here's your conversion stats- 0. **_To all those Christian out there, try and beat that! If you cannot, beat it. _**Stop listening to Never Say Never, Tommy-boy. **_Amen._

**Chapter Three**

Me, Ebony and Grover **Grammar, dear. You always put yourself last when listing people. **decided to go through first through the portal God created to allow us to go back to 1918 and stop the communists. **Three kids stopping a world movement? I'd love to see that. **We went through the blue portal **Why blue? Purple is a pretty colour too. **and got whirled into the pass.

"To God, I thank ye '**Ye'? **for giving me this blessing to walk through a great portal created by your divine way and not through satanic means such as witchcraft and wizardry. ***sighs* I don't know what's worse anymore- a witty fool or a foolish wit. **We have already had two victories over this satins: **Don't work against the cloth's nature. Work with it. **defeating the geek gods during THE EVIL GOD, **I don't need a recap. I've read everything up to this point. **and me destroying Hogwarts and killing both Dumbledore and Harry Potter during THE BATTLE WITH THE WATCHES.** Rolex vs. Swatch?** May you bless us with a third victory by destroying this John Lennon (he IS the communist leader in Russia) **No, Vladimir Lenin was. John Lennon was a Beatle. **during the THREAT OF COMMONISM. Amen and amen," I said.

"God speech Percy Hacksaw," **What's the difference between a chainsaw and hacksaw? **said Ebony. "I think that God will bless us with a third victory for he died on the corpse for us and he really loves us very mush. **So… Hawaii is very pretty this time of year. I think. Is it? I've never been to Hawaii. **I will follow you wherever you go; a few steps behind you **That's kinda what following means. **for men are more superior. Women`s purpose is to serve man and not to question him. **Shut up, Ebony. Nobody likes you. **He was creating first, and God create us for his pleasure."** No, He created women because a man is worthless alone.**

And Grover said, "You have been a dear friend to me, and I have been with you for many years. I have supported you, no matter what you did. I was the first person to convert to Christianity when you convert to Christianity. **Not really, Grover, you were kinda dead at the time. In fact, why the hell are you alive now? **When you go to Russia and kill John Lennon, we go with you and kill John Lennon.** Aren't you in Russia right now?**

"Before I convert to Christianity I was lost. I practice weevil task such as bestiality, and had sex with over a hundred whores a night. **Impressive stamina, Grover. I didn't even know that was possible. **I wanted to kill myself, but I discovered that I had lost my way. When you Percy Jackson concerted to Christianity, it gave me the courage to do the same thing. United my we win. Amen and amen!"

And then I said, "In the book of Exodus there was a mighty battle, and it was because of the courage of Moses that they won. I have courage and that means that we will win this battle. Do not lose hope, like all the nonbelievers out there, for they deny God, and worshiper Satan and a beastly whore Artois. We must be fuel of courage. That way we will be able to defeat those without courage, such as the evil Romans Gods, that once reign across the Roman Empire, but Constantine was able to defeat the evil Gods and made Jesus in rule of all of time! Once we have done that, than we can work onto the false evil cultic gods. Mane."

**If you're going to copy-paste your speeches from previous stories, should I do that too?**

And we walked through the portal and intro 1918 Russian.

**Didn't you go through the portal first thing in the chapter?**


	6. Chapter 6

_Author`s note: If you do not like this great fan fiction, then stop reviewing it, you stupid satanic scum!_

**First, if they hate this fic, they're definitely not stupid. Second, Tommy-boy, it is fanfiction . net's policy that you accept all constructive criticism directed towards you without complaint.**

**Even if it's posted on my commentary instead of your original story.**

**Chapter 4**

As they came out of the portal,they came across a group of communist Satanists, practising satanic ways. **You give us a detailed description of your slaughter of men you meet, but you won't elaborate on what "satanic ways" are? I wish you would… I would love another opportunity to make a witty comment about how very WRONG, ERRONEOUS, and INCORRECT you are.** Percy Jackson now wounded him in the eye under his eyebrows, tearing the eye-ball from its socket: the spear went right through the eye into the nape of the neck, **Ew. This is all just too much information. I don't care, this contributes nothing to the story, and to top it all off, I just ate. **and he fell, stretching out both hands before him. Percy Jackson then drew his sword and struck him on the neck, so that both head and helmet went tumbling down to the ground with the spear still sticking in the eye; he then held up the head, as though it had been a poppy-head, and showed it to the satanic scum, boasting over them as he did so.** Boasting? Not exactly something the virtuous do.**

"Where are your false gods now? **Wrong story. Now we're dealing with your war with common sense (at least according to the title), not mutilating centuries of Greek and Roman culture. **You satanic scum! I have come with my friends, Grover and Ebony, **Ooh, two teenagers! I'm just shaking in my boots, which are _this_ close to being stuck up your ass. **to show you the true way of God, and that Jesus Christ is the only way to slavery. **That's… not a good thing. It's not correct, either. **If a man has pity upon us men of God **Still not a good thing. There's a difference between pity and sympathy. **when we draw near such a man, we will bless him and hear him too when he is praying; but if he deny us and will not listen to us, we go to a church and pray that such a man may presently fall into sin, and therefore burn in the everlasting flames of hell! Amen," I yelled at them, as they stood there shocked about my great fighting skills, **You took a man by surprise, immobilized him, and then attacked him. Hardly the traits of a fearless warrior. **given to me by our lord Jesus Christ himself.

Then fate fell upon Grover, **Is Grover going to die again? It's only the nine-hundred-forty-seventh time. **for he was struck by a jagged stone near the ankle of his right leg. He that hurled it was the leader of the satanic scum, who had come from Moscow; **So he heard three futuristic teenagers appeared and apparated to his troops? **the bones and both the tendons were crushed by the pitiless stone. **Stones are naturally emotionless, Tommy-boy. They are inanimate objects, do not have needs, wants, or desires, and are one of the few things in the world that do not possess a desire to break your keyboard. **He fell to the ground on his back and in his death throes **Chill, "Groper", it's just a broken ankle. Set it, wear a cast for a few months, possibly go through some physiotherapy, and you'll be fine. **stretched out his hands towards his comrades. But the leader, who had wounded him, sprang on him and thrust a spear into his belly, so that his bowels came gushing out upon the ground, and darkness veiled his eyes.

**I just lost a perfectly good quiche-type-food because of you, Tommy-boy. I hope you're proud of yourself.**

As he was leaving the body, Percy Jackson struck him in the chest near the nipple, **foreplay? **and the point fixed itself in his lungs. Percy Jackson came close up to him, pulled the spear out of his chest, and then drawing his sword, smote **Smote? I don't think that's even a word, actually… maybe you should just smite him… let's try this again. **him in the middle of the belly so that he died; but he did not strip him of his armour, for his satanic comrades, men who wear their hair in a satanic manner,** Combovers or Bieber bangs?** stood round the body and kept him off with their long spears for all his great stature and valour; so he was driven back. Thus the two corpses lay stretched on earth near to one another, the one the satanic leader and the other one was Grover, a great Christian martyr; **Satyr rhymes with Martyr, y'know? **and many another fell round them as Good Christian men came to Percy Jackson`s aid. **How are all these people travelling through time? I want to do it, and go back in time to slap myself in the face for taking up this commentary. **Jesus Christ had sent them, after sending them a dream, and therefore Percy Jackson`s prayer was answer, to get aid to complete his mission, which was to kill John Lennon.** News flash- he was already assassinated by a crazed fan. George Harrison died of cancer, Ringo Starr disappeared off the face of the earth, and now the only Beatle left is Paul McCartney. **

**What happened to Ringo Starr, anyway? Is he still alive? Anyone know?**

**I have an Abbey Road poster next to me as I type…**

But more satanic scum came, all around them. **Use Scrubbing Bubbles ®. It works hard so you don't have to. Also great for soap scum. **And they were no match for these satanic scums were very powerful. So Percy Jackson fought very brave against these evil men, until every one of them was dead. **Percy took on an entire army by himself? Impressive. Although I have to wonder… why didn't Ebony, Jerry, Michael, and anyone else who teleported to this unindentified location help? Are their jobs just to stand around and look pretty with their Christian haircuts and clay jars? **And they decided to let the bodies to rot, for they did not deserve to be buried in any manner, **Stop. Talking. About. Not. Burying. Bodies. I want to get through this before the sun comes up. **for Satanists are not allowed to be respect under God`s graceful code. Bless him!** Um, God is the one that blesses people. Although I'm sure He would love to receive a blessing, He can't bless Himself.**

And I went up to talk to the troops, who were good Christian men. **If they're following you to a battle that was started just because a blockhead was too lazy to negotiate and see if there is a civil compromise, I somehow doubt it. **The women were at home attending the meal that they were about to eat after coming home from battling satanic communists. And so they looked eagerly at me, for they **were very hungry and wanted to go home **knew I had great **copy-paste abilities **wisdom, and would speed it to all the land! And I said:

"Who am I? **You are a mutilated Percy Jackson, whose character has been destroyed, world views turned on their head, and a false idea of what being Christian means implanted in the mind. **I am the one that has been sent by God to save the world from evil. The evil communists are one of those evils. They make their followers follow strict laws, such as giving up some of their food. **Wrong story. And that's not very strict. **Our God does not do this. He gives us more freedom. We give thanks to our food, but we do not give it up. And by giving up your food you are wasting good food that could have been eaten, and if it wasn't good to eat, like passed if used by date, and then we should feed it to the dogs, **And make them sick instead? **not give it up. And would we give up our house just because some **world famous singer **false leader named John Lennon and his false roman gods tells us do so? No! We should not!

"With me as your leader, **This is starting to sound very dictator-y… **I will lead you to glorious victory, where we will own Russia, **Any Hetalia fans here? Anyone? **and clean it under the name of our lord Jesus Christ and the United Satan's of America. **WHAT? **We will free its people, **when were they enslaved? **so that they can worship our lord Rhesus **the king of Thrace? **Christ freely, without having some atheistic scum telling us that we cannot. We will make people pray in our school, the Ten Commandments will be pestered everywhere, **People would bother the Ten Commandments? What an awful world that would be… kinda reminds me of that movie with the guy who "punishes God" by breaking all ten Commandments and comes out of a whale at the end. **and all good men will worship the lord. How grateful will that be fellow Christian men?

"I will also put the women in their place. For too long have they demanded equality? **Because they deserve that. Suitability should be determined by ability and merits, not if you can pee standing up. **This equality will only lead to the destruction of our democratic world. **How, exactly? Enlighten me. **This is a man's world, **and to get ahead, you got to be stronger than a man. You got to be a **_**WO**_**man! **and it should stay as such. I will make left wing politics punishable by death. **Single party politics are a dictatorship, Tommy-boy. **For too long have we had communist running around spreading lies. I will stop that immediately. Conservatism is the only way to god. Amen!"

**I believe there's a Cee Lo Green song title that describes what I'm thinking right now… the uncensored version.**

And everyone cheered, for now there was a true Christian leader; unlike that Satanic scum John Lennon (who WAS the leader of **the Beatles **Russia in 1918. I know my history, so stop telling how to suck eggs!)

**I like my eggs easy over.**


	7. Chapter 7

Please note that this chapter has ben written in Danish. If you do not understand Danish, please dine someone that does no it and get them to read it to you.

**Tommy-boy, let me explain something to you… this fic is sorted under "English". Only a small fraction of your readers can actually speak Danish. But whatever. I'll play along.**

**I'm sorry for any mistakes, I'm using Google Translate. If you can beta this chapter, please let me know.**

Dette nye kapitel vil blive skrevet på dansk, bare så at en læser af mine vil forstå, hvad mit budskab handler om. **Du vil få brug for meget mere end et kapitel for at gøre dette plot sammenhængende. **Til dem der ikke kender dansk, vil dette kapitel ikke har nogen vigtige oplysninger. Det vil være en mindre kapitel. **Men hvorfor skulle jeg gå op for denne mulighed? **Men først vil jeg sige en velsignelse til vor Herre Jesus Kristus. Kære Gud, jeg beder for dig beder dig om at velsigne mig og alle mine hengivne læsere. Til dem, der er vildledte, kan du venligst få dem til at se sandheden. Amen.

**Wow. Tommy-boy er meget pænere på dansk.**

**BonusKapitel**

Percy Jackson besluttede at stoppe **med at være ude af karakter og vende tilbage til de græske guder. **tale med sine tilhængere. Efter at hjælpe ham besejre satanister, vidste han, at de fortjente at blive rewared med nogle himmelske visdom. **Ingen fortjener din "****himmelske visdom". **Så han besluttede at få dem til at menneskemængde omkring ham i en cirkel. Det var i denne dannelse, at han talte til dem. **Han kunne ikke tale til dem fra en hævet podium og gøre store armbevægelser?**

"Gud vil belønne dig i livet efter døden. **Hidtil er det ikke at se alt for godt for dem.** den belønning er evigt liv sammen med ham og hans evige søn Jesus Kristus," Percy Jackson fortalte de kristne. "Gud befaler, at du følger hans love, da skrevet i Det Gamle Testamente, som er i bogen om Moses." **Bortset fra i mormonisme, er der ****bogen om Moses****, narre. ****De Ti Bud**** er i Exodus.**

"Sig mig klog én, hvilke love er disse?" sagde en af Percy `s disciple.

"Den lov, jeg henviser til, er De Ti Bud. Det første bud er dette: tilbede Gud kun. Det andet bud er dette: Det er forbudt at tilbede nogen anden. Dette omfatter, at idoler for at tilbede med. Det tredje bud er dette: Brug af Herrens navn forgæves er forbudt. Den fjerde bud er sådan: Sabbatten er en dag at hvile. Det er også en dag til at tilbede Herren. Det femte Budet er dette: udvise respekt over dine forældre er forbudt. Den sjette Budet er dette: Mord er en synd. Det syvende bud er dette: At have sex med en person, der ikke er din kone er forbudt. Et menneske er kun tilladt at have én kone. Det ottende Budet er dette: At stjæle er også en synd. Det niende Budet er dette: Liers vil blive straffet ved at blive sendt til helvede. Den endelige Budet er dette: Høvling hvordan man kan få det, som Gud har givet til et andet er forbudt. Der er ingen andre bud," said wise Percy Jackson.

"Tak for at besvare at for mig. Du er virkelig klog," **Klog ?** **Hvis du ønsker en fortælling om De Ti Bud, kan jeg give det til dig. Det er meget nemt at huske, kan enhver med en halv hjerne gør det. **sagde tilhænger. Og så de fortsatte deres rejse for at finde flere kristne at hjælpe dem.

**Right, if anyone was wondering, this chapter is just a bunch of people sucking up to Percy, and a recitation of the Ten Commandments. Nothing special or extraordinary.**


	8. Chapter 8

Jesus Christ: You spoke Danish very well last chapter, my son. You will be rewarded with a eternal life in even with me.** Because he used Google translate to write a chapter with no plot points whatsoever?**  
>Thomas Brown: Tak meget.<strong> Stop.<strong>  
>Jesus Christ: What else do you demand of your devoted readers?<br>Thomas Brown: To write positive reviews for this great fan-fiction. **But that's lying, isn't it? Read the ninth Commandment. **I only will stop writing this holy story when I know that it is working that I am concerting good Christian men to my cause.** First, not happening. You're shaming good Christians. Second, why would you want to convert a Christian? Third, not that many men on fanfiction. It's mostly yaoi-obsessed girls.**  
>Jesus Christy: I will make that this happens my son. You are the best writer since William Shakes pear.<strong> You mean Shakespeare? You know, I'm not that fond of Romeo and Juliet. It's nice, but not his best work. Take Hamlet, Macbeth, Midsummer's Night Dream, King Lear, even. They're all better than Romeo and Juliet.<strong>  
>Thomas Brown: I am glad you think so. Amen and amen.<p>

**Chapter Five**

_**LIES!**_

Annie Beth, **Who? **Michael and Jerry stood at the portal. **Still with the portal? We went through it three chapters ago. **They waited an hour while Percy Jackson and his group went out opt find if any daggers were there. **Unless you go before the Stone Age, there will always be daggers. Big daggers, small daggers, sharp daggers, the dagger that is in my hand right now… **After that hour they decided to go through.

"I will do the lord`s biding by walking through this portal by defeating anything that gets into my way. **Did you ever think that in the future, the descendants of one of the people you kill invented air conditioning? And since you killed him, he'll never reproduce, and you know what that means? We'll all die of heat and it'll all be your fault! Jerk… **I am able to kill the Greed gods with the aid of Percy Jackson by going into the depth of jell, so I am not going to be defeated by a group of satanic scum such as those Communists, **You prayed and everyone exploded. Either that or you snuck up on them, or bored them to death. Face it, kid, when it comes to actual face-to-face fighting, you're nothing. I could take you with both hands tied behind my back. COME AT ME, BRO! **who are a threat to our capitalistic system, which was given to us by our lord Jesus Christ, **Jesus, a capitalist? I somehow don't think that works. **a spiritual founder of the holy United Sates of Americana. **Oi, gevalt. **I pray to Go that he gives me strength to overcome this difficult time," said Jerry.** You brought it on yourself, body-pisser.**

"God is on our side Jerry. And I bet Percy Jackson is now being victory on the evil scum that are satanic evil breaths! **Yeah, I hate bad breath too. **I will follow you, for you give me wisdom and strength, enough to kill Dumbledore by knocking him off the wall, **Ha! So it **_**was**_** you! **and beheading that coward Harry Potter, **You never beheaded him. One time he was killed by Ebony, another he was struck by lightning. **who rain away just because he didn't want to face our lord Joust Chris, and instead deny my greatest love: Jesus! I LOVE YOU JESUS! **I love you, Baltimore! Every day's like an open door, every night is a fantasy, every sound's like a symphony… **But alas, I will follow you through this portal and kill whoever is behind this portal," said Michaela.** Go through the freakin' portal already.**

"Thank you Michele, I love him just as much as you love him. We will serve him vey much good. WE **YOU? **will go out there and kill them, and must then suffer from forcing such a satanic system called Communism **I really should stick to one chapter a day for the sake of my mental health. **on a group Christian system that treats people good. The Tsar is a lovely Christian man that would never harm a single soil. **Rofl. **The communist leader John Lennon will send **it along, with love, from me, to you. I've got everything that you want. Like a heart that's oh-so true! Just call on me, and I'll send it along, with love. From me, to you. That's one of my favourite Beatles songs. Look it up, it will do wonders for your mental health. **and army to kill anything that takes him on! We go forth and win! Amen," said Jerry.

"And with that, I will say a prayer: 'God, bless us very much and send us victorious into Russia so that we can defeat this communist. Amen'," said Anna Beth.** Who the hell are you? What did you do to Annabeth?**

And so they walked into the portal, and then out there they witness a warrior women **Xena, Warrior Princess? **being attacked by a group of coward satanic scum who were community. **Communities are nice. **Jerry went to one of the Satanists and attack it in the groans with the sword, **Oh, that's gotta hurt! **and then slit its throat. He then went up to another Satanist and stab them in the stomach, and stepped on their foot, and then slit its toad. **No! Not Trevor! **Another Satanist tried to kill him, but Jerry gouged its eyes out with a knife and then cut off the Satanists feet and arms. Jerry let him live, so that the satanic scum could live the rest of his life in pain suffering from his worms. It also gave it a chance to convert to Christianity and go to heaven like all good Christian men.

"**To the pain means the first thing you lose will be your feet, below the ankles. Then your hands at the wrists. Next, your nose." **

"**Then my tongue, I suppose. I killed you too quickly the last time, a mistake I don't mean to duplicate tonight!"**

"**I wasn't finished! The next thing you lose is your left eye followed by your right."**

"**And then my ears, I understand, let's get on with it!"**

"**Wrong! Your ears you keep, and I'll tell you why. So that every shriek of every child at seeing your hideousness will be yours to cherish. Every babe that weeps at your approach, every woman who cries out 'Dear God, what is that thing?' will echo in your perfect ears. That is what to the pain means. It means I leave you in anguish, wallowing in freakish misery forever."**

"… **I think you're bluffing."**

**Princess Bride is a cool movie. Kinda crappy title, but it's hilarious. **

Micheal and Jerry managed to kill all the Satanists, **We know. You wanna know how we know? 'CAUSE IT ALREADY HAPPENED. There. Now you know. **and then they said a prayer: "Thank you good for giving us the strength to kill this Satanist. We will bless you a sacrifice of a lamb, **What happened to not giving up part of your meal? **and we will read the bible tonight for an hour."

And God said, "Read the book of Judges, and it will give you the knowledge to defeat these evils."

**And Jerry said, "But the book of Judges is so boring! Why can we not read the Book of Kings instead?"**

"Thank you good," they replied. They then went up to the Warrior women who turned out to be Clarisse La Rue, who had been attacked in the second introduction of this story.

**Allow me to explain something to you, Tommy-boy. The thing about death is that it's final. When you die, you stay dead, you don't pop back up like nothing happened. It's the reason I can't talk to my grandfather anymore.**

"I am a good women, who has lived an honest life. **Yeah, I just dunked Percy's head down a toilet first time we met. **But there is one thing I have not done that, and that is being baptised on the name of our lord Jesus Christ of Narrative.** You converted to Christianity and became the second female Prayer Warrior, remember?** Please, if you are a Good Christiane man is to baptise me and show me the true way, for only Satan sits communist scum like in this satanic place called the Soviet Union, which is what is left of the Christian empire of Russia," said Clarisse La Rue.

And so I baptised Clarisse La Rue, who renamed himself Clarisse of Christ, **Why? What would that achieve? Is your name Thomas of Christ? No. It doesn't matter if you've been baptized, you don't have to change your last name. **and we had many hours of prayer, along with Mellissa, **McCarthy, the actress? **who survived the battle, who I had given blessings to. And we plotted the attack on Satan and his false empire called the united Soviet Union. **Doesn't seem very false to me. It seems it existed, no matter what you say, you silly little man. **And now we had the knowledge of Clarisse of Christ. Amen.

"Yes I will," she said. "I knew you were not like anyone else. I believe you. We must defeat these evils gods and Satan before they destroy anything else! I will follow you and obey you every order. I will not speak out of term, **Calm, obedient, who work fast-pace. With good breeding and a tiny waist, you'll bring honour to us all. **and I will make sure I am a foot away from you at all times, for it is an offense for a woman to go suck a thigh. **Beg pardon? **I am a Prayer Warrior now and I want you to baptise me and my family, for none of us our baptised," said Clarisse of Christ as she left the waters of the baptising lake.

And so we travelled on to catch up with Percy Jackson and his group, who had now wandered far of into the distance.** Jerks.**


	9. Chapter 9

BelieverInChrist: I have decided to go back to my original user name, instead of Thomas Brown, so that I can honour my lord Jesus Christ.  
>Jesus himself: Thank you. You will be blessed tenfold.<strong> Because of his username? He has not done any virtues in his sad little life, he's just made a bunch of people angrier than a bull with a short little man in a funny hat and mustache waving a red flag in front of it.<strong>

**Chapter Six**

**You are a lying liar who lies.**

Percy Jackson entered into the town of Moscow **Town? TOWN? Damn big town, if you ask me. **and met with the church leaders, who had hidden themselves because John Lennon had ordered any Christians to be burnt alive. **"Imagine there's no countries, it isn't hard to do" ring any bells? **John Lennon had built a coliseum in which he forced good Christian men to fight to the death. **Hunger Games? **Percy Jackson wanted to put a stop to this, but he decided to talk to the Church Leaders first. **"A woman flirting with a single man? We must alert the church elders!"~ Phoebe Buffay **And so they crowded around underground cellar, **Why not just do it in a bigger room? Or if you insist on going underground, why not do it in another cellar? One with room for you to sit down and heating? **where Percy Jackson decided to talk to the Church leaders about his plan to get rid of the Coliseum, **architecture hater **and kill John Lennon, and bring back the good Christian Tsar who was kind to his own people. **I'm a bit against traditional kings myself. Democracies are good. **And so Percy spoke:

"To those of Moscow, do not fear for your life, **Oh, no, a bunch of bloodthirsty people are after you. No pressure.** for God and his eternal son will punish these demons known as John Lennon, the satanic leader of the Soviet Russian Empire, who allows atheistic rites such as teaching the false lie that, is Evolution and worship of the Roman Gods: Jupiter, Venus, Pan, Mars, Hades, and Hercules, **Evolution and mythology are a BIT unrelated, aren't they, Tommy-boy? Well, I guess it's hard for you to say, since YOU DON'T THINK! **which are false beings that have been created by Satan to betray us to the depths of Hell. I will lead a revolt against this **awesomesauce singer **evil man, so that every good Christian man can worship our lord Jesus Christ freely without any atheists telling us that we cannot. We will bring back religion into the government, **It already is in the government. It just doesn't take over all of it. **where only good Christian men can be elected into government, **We'd miss out on quite a few fascinating debates **and into our Schools where we allow people to pray again like they should be allowed.** I don't recall seeing anywhere in the schoolboard's policies that students are not to pray. I've seen a bunch of stupid rules, but freedom of religion is encouraged.**

"The first thing I will stop is this Coliseum, where good Christian men are forced to fight against each other to their deaths. This is the influence of the false Roman Gods, who want to make the world return back to the old roman times before it became Christian. For many hundreds years good Christian men are forced to fight against each other to their deaths much like they are forced to do here in Moscow. When the Roman Empire became the Holy Roman Empire, **SERIOUSLY, Hetalia? Anyone? **they banned all Coliseum games, and instead made people worship our lord Jesus Christ instead. Likewise, when Russia returns to being ruled by the Tsar, these evil games will be stopped, much like the Holy Roman Empire.

**Crawl into your little hole and die.**

"Has these evil men ever heard of the law: 'Do not kill'? **Have you? **Good Christian men should not kill **ANYONE, because nobody deserves to have their life ended by morons who think violence is the way of Christ **other good Christian men because it is a sin, and killing **ANYONE **Christians will send people to hell** or prison**, no matter who they are. Although killing an Atheist is **not **okay, that is because they are **more human than Tommy-boy, because really, anyone is. Except a few choice historical figures. But at least some of them had a brain. **not really men, but** women? **demons. We will get rid of the Coliseum and force the Atheists to fight against each other to their deaths, **How do you expect to do that if the coliseum is torn down? **so that we can punish these evils things and finally get rid of them once and for. They will learn what it is really like to be forced to fight against each other to their deaths, even against friends and families. **Sounds a bit like the Civil War, except it makes even less sense. **And we will be pleased and be rewarded by being sent to **prison **heaven and spending time with our Lord Jesus Christ.

"I, Percy Jackson, along with my followers, Grover and Michael, **That's it? Forever alone… **who help me very much in converting many people to the way of our lord Jesus Christ and his eternal father lord God, we will help you in the fight to get rid of John Lennon and his **fangirls? **followers, and bring back the old traditions of worshiping the one and only true God and his eternal son our lord Jesus Christ of Narrative. **Oi, I thought we were done with that typo. **I will get my followers to organise the churches around Moscow, so that on the Fourth of July **Independence day? That's a nice movie. **we will up-rise against the evil men in control of this country and bring it back to the way it was before.

"For in the days of the kings, and evil witched ruled Israel, making people worship the false god Zeus. After Elijah inspired the Jewish people to up rise, the evil witch was killed and had her body drag across the country, to show every why you should not force people to worship false gods. **Or force people to convert in general, really. You can encourage or convince them to convert, but don't press a gun to their head and say "CONVERT OR DIE!" **Like what Elijah did, I will do also, by dragging the body of John Lennon across the country of Moscow to show every why Ego vere fidelis in cuniculis. **I am a true believer in the rabbits? This again? I believe in Bugs Bunny… **And then we will celebrate and kick any Atheists out of Moscow and send them to Suburbia," **Oh, those suburbs… with their two-car garages and their green lawns and their plastic flamingos… and gnomes. I love garden gnomes. **said Percy Jackson. And everyone clapped at the speech.

And the head breast **Teehee. But, er, what exactly was he trying to write? Anyone got a clue? **said: "You speak wise. These words will give us the strength to defeat this evil. This is Russia which is a Christian nation, so Satanist, atheist, Hindu, Muslims, Buddhist, and any other non-god fearing people, who worshiped false gods, **Buddhists and atheists don't technically worship any god. Muslims worship the same God as Christians. Get your facts straight. **should not be allowed in this God fearing Nation. We must get rid of them, and make them slaves, **OBEY THE MILLENIUM ROD! **if they agree to being a fellow Christian. Once they truly believe in God and his son, Jesus, then would we release them to bring glory to God and his son. If they still did not believe, we would burn then, just as their fellow Satanist did when they refused to worship our lord Jesus Christ. **I have lost all faith in humanity. **I want to bring Glory to God, and with you arriving, we will be able to do this. Amen."

And we broke bread and drank red wine, **Who gave teenagers alcohol? **said more prayers, read the Bible, and then we went to bed. **Well, today when I came home, I ate a cookie, turned my computer on, wrote this commentary, and… um... I'm… still working on the next part.**


	10. Chapter 10

**Since I've finally reached the halfway point for this fic as well, I'd like to thank ThatHotAndSexyDemigoddess, Happygirl122, Alyx1373, you-probably-don't-know-who, markf50, Synonyms4cinnamon, DevilSushiFish, pjoroxs, Phoebe Cosette Grace, artyfan, Jacky Dupree, SarcasmRox, Neon Glow Black, LongLastingDreams, I'mDifferent-GetOverIt, and that charming anonymous person who called me an ass. Such a dear.**

**42 chapters and counting to go…**

Jesus himself: You are wise indeed. That last chapter was very well written.** I didn't see anything special about it myself… it was just as annoying as the fifty other chapters I did.**  
>BelieverInChrist: I am glad you said so.<br>BookObsesserNumberOne: I did not like for I am a **normal person **satanic scum who likes to question the lord Jesus Christ and his eternal gather God. **No offence, Tommy-boy, but that was kinda OOC.**  
>Jesus himself: Be gone Satan. <strong>That's actually really fun to say. I don't recommend you do it to anyone, but just putting it out there. <strong>Leave this place at once.  
>BelieverInChrist: Thank you Rhesus.<strong> You could have said that yourself, instead of waiting for a dead Greek king to do it for you.<strong>

**Chapter 20**

**WTF?**

Jerry, along with Anna Beth, and Groper **He LIVES! **came to the torn of Moscow. **Why don't Percy, Jerry, and company all just travel in a pack? It would make this thing a lot quicker. **They went incognito so the satanic scum did not know that they were in actually good Christian men. Clarisse La Rue decided to stay at the gat of the city **Government will be happy. Free watchperson! **so that she could stand guide to make sure that no one was behind us, for we geared that someone was trying to follow us.** So, what's the deal, nobody can go into Moscow anymore? That sucks.**

And I **Who is "I"? Whose POV is this even from? **said: "Behold, we come to the entry of Moscow where the Satanic scum lie, who want to kill all good Christian men, and refuse our ability to worship the lord freely, who is our lord Jesus Christ of Narrative, the only and only son our father and his, God of Is Real. I will lead amyl though the streets and kill all that satanic scum that allow homosexuality, and make that John Lennon suffer for all that he has done."

**Good job being inconspicuous.**

And Anna Beth said: "You speeches have **annoyed **strength me. We must defeat these evils gods and Satan before they destroy anything else! I will follow you and obey you every order. I will not speak out of term, and I will make sure I am a foot away from you at all times, for it is an offense for a woman to go suck a thigh. **What is this, the fifth time we've heard this speech? **A women`s place is behind his man, and you are my man, who has protected me for as long as I have known. **For as long as you have known? You met him last year! Ah… you got short term memory loss from your first death, didn't you? **You are the greatest man I have ever known."

And Grower **What does he grow? Vegetables? Flowers? Trees? **said: "I too will go with you as a good Christian man. You are very wise and know what you are doing, **PSYCHE! **so I will follow you where ever you will go. I will be your back, **Oh, good. Jerry needs a new spine. **so that your can teach these evil people the true way of being a good Christian man. Amen."

And I said: "I am glad of our laxity, **You shouldn't be. Carelessness can come back to bite you in the ass. **this will aid us very much to defeat this weevil **Hate weevils. Never been very fond of beetles in general. Beatles, on the other hand… **people who come to destroy us. **Well, weevils are pretty destructive. **John Lennon must be stopped as our reports state that he has setup a coliseum in which he gets good Christian men to face against over good Christian men and get them to kill each other to the death. **I didn't understand the first twenty times, but now I do! **We must put a stop to this."

As Jerry said this, the satanic communist policies arrived. **Oh, those pesky immigration policies. **So brave Jerry **Oh, brave Sir Robin… **went up to the weevil guides and stabbed one of them in the private parts **Was that really necessary? **and then slit their throats. Grover stock out his spear and throw at the police that was going up at him, and go through its heart, and Grover was able to get the swear out of the satanic scum in enough time to stab the next breast **booobies **coming at him, in which he was able to stab him in the throat with spear. Jerry then manage to cut the next persons legs, and cop them off. After the were able to defeat them all they realise that Annabeth **He… spelled her name right… **and been kidnapped. She was being sent to the coliseum where she was to fight other good Christian men.** I've placed my bets on Annabeth. She may be a teenage girl, but she's feisty!**

We then went to the church where Percy Jackson was, **He was never in a church, silly, he was in a cellar! **but he gone out. But Michael was there. And Michael said: "Percy Jackson is with Ebony talking the breast on the south side of Moscow. This is the west side of Moscow. The coliseum is on north area of Moscow **That doesn't make much sense from a city-planning perspective. Wouldn't it be better to put the coliseum downtown? **where the palace is, **Oh, that's why. **with John Lennon and all the greedy atheists that have taken over all the business. Only good Christian men should be able to take control of a capital system. What do you want?"

"**I want you to go away."**

And Jerry said to his dearest friend Michael, in which they both went through many struggles at Hogwarts as undercover wizards, **No, Michael did all that. Jerry just sat down and looked pretty. **a painful task to do: "Dearest fiend, we know each other for many years. I untrusted you, so I will tell you this important importuned, **huh? **so that you can help me. It has come to my knowledge that our friend Annabeth **Twice a correct spelling! Truly a cause for celebration! **has been kidnapped by the satanic communists to be forced to fight against their own free will, causing them to sin and force to go to hell. I need your help to stop this."

And Michele said: "Percy Jackson is out and will be a way for a day or so. If my reports are correct, Annabeth will have to right today this night. **Already? But in Hunger Games they're given a few days beforehand! **I fear that a woman will never be bale a fight, **Have you even met Annabeth? **even if she prayed to our lord Jesuits Christ. We must rescue her before the fight begins. We will go to the north section of Moscow tonight, but we must read the Bible so that God can give us answers."

And so we read the bible, and found the answer. We then prepared, and then started proctoring to the north section of Moscow where the coliseum was. Amen.

Next Chapter: We follow the adventures of Percy as he travels around the south section of Moscow with Ebony. **Joy.**


	11. Chapter 11

_If not one gives me a good review, _**Wow. Forever alone. **_then I will end my life by shotting myself with my father's .10 shot gun._

**No, Tommy-boy, don't end your life, just end your stories!**

**But that sounds faintly familiar, doesn't it?**

"**from now on every time someone flames me I'm going to slit my wrists"~ Tara Gilesbie, chapter 15 of My Immortal. I have to say, TheFeaturedCreature's commentary of it is divine.**

**Chapter 8**

Percy Jackson and Ebony walked through the streets of the south part of Moscow. **Lots of crime there. **They had just talked to Michael, **I don't remember reading about this…. You LIED to me? And what are you, a sheep? **and he agreed to tell Jerry when he arrived that Percy was going to go to the south part of Moscow, where most of the poorest people come from, due to lack of jobs, caused by the **sheep, who refused to shed their wool to make nice coats for the people, so they were too cold to go out job hunting. **communist uprising. Most of the people where black and Indian, **I hope, for your sake, that you mean people from India **although Percy Jackson was only concern for the black people for hey **Hay is for horses, Tommy-boy. **were the most likely people to concert back to Christianity. **Afraid of a challenge, aren't you, person-who-claims-to-be-Percy? **The Indians were more interested in their cow god that was a whore. **What? **In the east part of the town where Asians **Asians are cool **and a few blacks, but they were godless, so Percy decided that once Moscow was taken back, he would send an army to kill those breasts. **What happened to trying to "concert" people? Lazy bum. **In the west, where he came from was where the so called Bodgies came from, **They came from Australia, where the people with the awesome accents are. **although dealing in crime they would be submissive to the lord **How? **and loyal to those that are truthful to the path of God and his eternal son Jesus Christ. Up north, past the great river lie the palace and the coliseum. There was a small white community of good Christian **Ah, the stereotypical religious tight-knit white community. I was ranting to my friend about it just this morning. The friend in question smiled uncomfortably. **that were white **Really and truly? **and in hiding from John Lennon.** Hiding in plain sight. I see what they did there.**

And Percy Jackson said: "Behold the south side of Moscow where we will talk to the church leaders here, **I thought they were in the north? I'm confused… um… so… vodka, huh? **who are in hiding. Let us move forth, and speak less, so that no one we hat sees **There's a difference between seeing and hearing, dear. You see through the eyes, those little round white things in the front of your head, a bit below your hair, and you hear through the ears, those oddly shaped things on the sides of your head that are especially prominent on Prince Charles. **us here and called the police to arrest."

**I bought a biography of Prince William today at a used book sale. It was written when he was fifteen, and was so outdated it was funny. I think it was published before Princess Diana died.**

And Ebony said: "I agree with you Percy Klaxon. **Oh, Percy's a noisy, noisy boy! **Let's move forth." And before she could do that, a man grabbed her and started to rape her. **In broad daylight? … Ew. **Percy tried to stop her, but he was too late, Ebony was now cursed and must die. **Yayerz! **So Percy Jackson took out his sword and killed both Ebony and the man.

I then went to the church leaders and talked to them. It was agreed that tonight was the best time to stick at John Lennon **But you barely know him! **and that we would lead a marry into the north section of Moscow and attack them while the game is on. **Sherlock Holmes reference…**

And Claire **Forlani, the English actress? **came into the church and said: "I have come to tell you that I have decided to help you in what you are planning to do."

And Ebony **Didn't she just die? Why must the Mary-Sues come back to haunt me? **said: "I am with you as well."

And Gruber **Assuming Tommy-boy means Grover, IT'S THE NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD! **said: "I am with you also. May this day bring ass grate victory over thesis scum? **Not sure, are ye, ye scurvy cur? **I really hate these Satanist that plague everywhere at the moment. Wee really need to get rid of them, and fast. Tonight is the best night to do this, I think. **You know, I know a girl who loves ancient Chinese strategists. If she were reading this, she'd be crying over their crappy battle tactics. **So lets get moving and organise the amy."** Tick tock, tick tock, tick tock. We've only got four minutes to save the world.**

And I said: "I am glad of your support, I will use it wisely, to defeat these satanic scum and get rid of them **Bieber **fever and ever. Amen."

**Oh, by the way, ACTIVE CHRISTIAN, I'm not a communist. Just so you know.**


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter Nine**

**Here's a fire extinguisher. Why? Because your pants are on fire, liar liar.**

I, Jerry, will continue this story. **Will Jerry Seinfeld be continuing the story in Tommy-boy's stead? One can only hope. **Although it has been a long time and a long struggle** Betcha I've struggled more than you** I am prepared to tell the rest of my story.

And so we went to the coliseum. John Lennon decided to **give up all his money, 'cause money can't buy him love. **insult us by nailing a group of Christians to corpses and setting them alight. **Free cremation? **This made me feel so sick that I wanted to vomit. But to make sure we weren't suspicious I had to swallow that vomit. **I'm sure they wouldn't be too suspicious. I'm sure everyone was retching due to the scent of burning corpse. I know I would be. **I am a martyr to my cause.

"We are very close." I said to my followers. "Soon we will be entering in to the enemies den and we can be at very much dagger. Be prepared!"

**Meticulous planning  
>Tenacity spanning<br>Decades of denial  
>Is simply why I'll<br>Be king undisputed  
>Respected, saluted<br>And seen for the wonder I am  
>Yes, my teeth and ambitions are bared<br>Be prepared!**

"Can I." asked Ebony, "say a prayer to our fiend who will battle soon in the arena Annabeth?"

"Yes. **our teeth and ambitions are bared. Be prepared!"** I said. "Make it quick. They battle will be soon."

"I pray to our lord Jesus Christ that Annabeth will have an affair battle, where she will curse ye evil doers and make good turn into good. May Jesus Christ protect through this time of daggerness." **I don't get it.**

We went into the coliseum a sat down in the tallest seat. We could barely see the arena. **That's why you don't sit behind people with hats. **I noticed Annabeth wearing her armour, which was satanic black, another insult to us, and her blond hair was waving in the wind. Her **GREY **blue eyes stared at me and me stair back; we knew what each one was doing.** I do too. Jerry- sitting. Annabeth- standing.**

And John Lennon appeared warring his purple **Oh, my favourite colour! **(a satanic color) robe that showed off how wicked and evil he was. "May be the cattle _**moo **_being!" he exited lighting.

Annabeth was facing a sataic bitch **I thought only Christians fought in the arena? CHOOSE! **who had lots of tattoos and many pissings. **Don't we all have a long history of urinations behind us? It's human nature. **She looked like a person who would have sex with many people. **Being punk doesn't mean being a person of considerable sexual appetite, dear. **She was warring a bra and Annabeth was also, another insult.** Most women wear brassieres. It's not a big deal. **

They sight fighting each other with clubs, hitting each other. The crowd was jeering at Annabeth, hoping it would distract her and let the satanic bitch kill her!** Why call her a bitch? You think the only people who are people are the people who look and think like you. But if you walk the footsteps of a stranger, you'll learn things you never knew you never knew. Have you ever heard the wolf cry to the blue corn moon?**

"You Christian slut! I bet you had sex with your priest!" the crowd said.** Pedobear approves.**

I knew deep down that Annabeth was not a slut. Although she was a prostitute when she was under the controls of the false gods Zeus and Venus, since she had converted to Christianity she had stayed clean.** You are an annoying little bitch, you know that, Tommy-boy? **

**In case you were wondering, that was a proper application of the insult. Use it when you've known the person in question for a while.**

Suddenly, the satanic bitch slit Annabeth with her knife, killing Annabeth. **Better a dead Annabeth than a ridiculously OOC-in-a-moronic-story Annabeth. Fear not, PJO fans, and do not be disheartened. It's what our favourite daughter of Athena would have wanted. **Suddenly out of no where, a woman charged in, got out a gun a shot the bitch. She then when up to John Lennon.

"**Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. **Prepare to die!" she said.

It was….. my wife Mary.

**Oh, hi, Wal-Mart! It's been a while.**


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter Ten**

We went back to the church after burning the arena to the ground. **Why? It was a beautiful example of recreating ancient Roman architecture! **All those nonbelievers with beheaded, and those that converted to God's holy way came with us. Mary walked with me. I asked her of the baby **Yeah, who adopted it? **and she said the baby was dined.** HUH? Who ate the baby?**

"I want to have another baby one day," she said. "But this maybe a girl." **You can choose the gender of your baby? Okay, so if I ever end up having kids, I want twins, one boy and one girl.**

"I do not like girls," I said.** What's Mary then? A man with a uterus?** "I want strong Christian men."** You're a horse with a limp. I will put you down.**

"Yes," she said. "I agree with you. **Make your mind up, you dishrag. **A good Christian son will do."

We came to the church and I talked to the people of Moscow, all of them that had come after the victory. They were all glad that the evilness that had came over the city had gone. **If they didn't like the city, they could move out. Unless they had insufficient funds… then they could hold a "Get Us Out of Moscow Now" bake sale or something. **And I said to them:

"The evil John Lennon is dead! I managed to go into the crowds **You? Pah, your wife did all the dirty work. You just sat there composing a speech and preparing to take all the glory. **after poor Annabeth was murdered by that satanic butch! **How do you know she was even Satanic? Or a butcher? **He and his communist party will never worry us again. You can pray to our lord Jesus Christ freely now onwards without fear of anyone stopping us!"

Percy Jackson asked me if he could do a speech as well, and I approved of it. **Boring. **And **Uninteresting. **he **Tedious. **went **Dull. **up **Dreary. **to **Mind-numbing. **the **Tiresome. **stand **Lacklustre. **and **Unexciting. **talked **Monotonous. **to **Dry. **the Moscow of People** Lol**:

"God Christian men, I will tell you my entire story of how I got her! **See above. **I was once **in-character **a Satanist much like John Lennon. I worshiped evil gods of the geeks, **Don't you dare speak that way about Steve Jobs! **but secretly we were worshipping Stan** Getz, the American jazz saxophone player?**. And after a long battle against my deer friend **Bambi **Jerry, I saw the errors of my mistake. With the strength I managed to convert the camp in which I lived in. Although my old mentored died during the struggle between me and Grover, **Wasn't Grover dead at the time? **I managed to convert them all. After that we went with Percy Jackson to face off against the evil gods and won. Now America is free from the satanic scum and now we have done the same thing for you all! You should all be grateful for we have done. You are not free to live in God's chosen path for us! Rejoice!"

**My best friend plays saxophone… **

And everyone **snored **cheered. Percy Jackson and his friend went back to America, so that they could help the people of America learn the true way of the lord, this meant going through the portal by the way to go back to the future. I decided to stay here in the past with Clarisse and Marry to make sure thing transformed correctly. **Get Professor Mcgonagall to do it. **Ebony also stayed with me, and Tyson,** Brilliant, he's alive!** Percy Jackson's brother decided to stay as well. Luke Castellan had come that day through the portal to help us. He was a brave warrior that had helped us defeat the evil Greek Gods.

"Farewell all of you," said Percy Jackson. "I and my friends will truly miss you all! God bless you and the United Sates."

Percy Jackson's adventures will be in my new story which will be the sequel to my first on, titled The Prayer Warriors: The Evil Gods Part Two. **I will commentate that too. Hunker down, we've got a long road ahead of us. **Be prepared to be amazed at** the hilariousness of the spelling mistakes.** one of the best stories ever to come onto this website! **No, I believe Harry Potter: Methods of Rationality is considered the best story on this website. I've only read part of it, but it's pretty good.**

I will be keep yelling my story **Stop it. You'll wreck your vocal chords. **to you so that you can know what will happen next to me in this story. This is because John Lennon is not the only person that threatens the future of Moscow, but someone even more evil… Stalin! **Hitler feels rejected.**


	14. Chapter 14

Thomas Brown: Ebony is no proof read this story so I will be gong alone.** I can tell. I'm currently rejoicing… things will be much easier from now on.**  
>Jesus Christ: Yes, but I will be here to confine you.<strong> Yes, please, lock him up forever!<strong>  
>Thomas Brown: Thanky Jedus Christ, you are bery welcomed.<p>

**Chapter 11**

A few weeks had past. Annabeth sent me one message **From the future? How did she do it? **stating that Percy Jackson was kidnapped, but because I was busy I let her shirt that out. **Wouldn't it be easier to pants it out, or maybe hat it out? **I was more concerned about the evil Stalin who was planning to send an army to the holy city of Moth cow. **I don't think I even need to comment on that. Just… ROFLMAO, ****ROFLABAOTP, ROFLASC,** **ROFLHOLCDF, and everything in-between.**

He was in his stronghold Saint Peterburg which he renamed Stalin Town, **You mean Stalinstadt? That's in Germany. Technically it doesn't even exist. **after himself though he misspelt it Satan Town **Oh, the days before Spell-Check **but we knew that he dad done it on purpose. We were really annoyed** Why do I find that funny? **and were planning to take Stalin Town **It's Satan Town, you silly little man. **so that we could free the people and baptize them all in the name of our lord Jesus Christ and his holy father God.** Here's another idea- go even further back in time and free the slaves. **

Clarisse had come back from a mission which involved spying on Stalin and making sure he didn't have any trips up his Jeeves. **Jeeves… that's a very butler-y name. **I had sent her on this mission not long after Percy Jackson left. Grover went with her on the mission, but he didn't come back. Clarisse told me what happened.

**Let me guess- Grover died. Again.**

"Well, we went to Stalin town. It took us a few months to travel there **Why didn't you just… take a train? **and the journey was awful. Most of the people are in probity. **Probity- integrity and uprightness; honesty. Isn't that a good thing? **Those atheistic scum refuse to donate to charity **Tommy-boy, unless you donate a considerable amount each year to a legitimate non-profit organization, I don't want to hear so much as a "How dare" out of you. **and the expect to let the people live in scum much like their name stake. I help many of these people by teaching them the word of God and Grover baptized them into the church. I even helped set up secrete Churches were they could worship freely without the fear of the evil Stalin getting to him.

"One of my sermons was thus: '**Doe, a deer, a female **Deer follow Christians, we have all have two fathers, the psyche one that is not all the important other than bringing us into this world physically, **Oh, really? Clarisse, dear, would you please read the fifth commandment out to the class? **and our true father the one in heavenly that actually set forth to bring us here and then save us from the evils of Satan by bring up his one and only son to this earth to die on the cross and suffer for our sins so that we could be saved. Amen.' And all the men loved it and the women cheered with glee. **I'm not a big fan of Glee… it's okay, just not really my thing. My Little Pony, on the other hand… **It was a wonderful sight-seeing them turn our lord Jesus Christ of Narrative and truly believe.

"After this we went up to Stalin town. **You… weren't there already? **I stayed there for a few weeks but I didn't dare start up a church in case we were court. We stayed in an inn where I did a few secret sermons such as this: 'Be brave for one day Stalin will be overthrown and we will bring a new **spelling **error much like in Moscow where people can worship freely without and fear at all. Just stay strong and pray even if it is in secrecy, for one day in the future you will be able to pray in public without fear from those static scum! **Fear them, for if you touch them your hair will stand up! For such is the power of static electricity! **So go forth and pray.' But I didn't do that much and only to a few small number of people who I knew I could trust.

"When I found out where Stalin was hiding, we decided to find it and spy on him. Me and Grover **It's "Grover and I". When naming several people, you always put yourself last. Unless you're taking the blame for something, but that's informal. **got there and discovered that Stalin was making war plans. He said: 'I am doing to send a message army to take out Moscow. I am going to send my most evilness of all men so that they can teach these Christians a lesson not to take on Satanist such as myself. We will leave within a week.'** Stalin sided with America (albeit reluctantly) during World War II. Eff off.** After hearing this I got back as fast as I could. Grover has stayed in Stalin Town **Can I name a town after myself too? I dub thy yonder town I3TB Village! **in case he found out anymore information from Stalin and his evil army of Satanic Scum! **Oh, he lives. **I hope this news please you," said Clarisse with pride of what she had just done.

I was pleased as well. I knew now that we would met Stalin in battle and I could kill him the and there by cutting his head off. **You mean with this axe you've been sharpening all day? You don't remember doing it… but you must have. **"Thankyou for this important information. I will used this very wise to gain and arm **Poor kid, you're an amputee? **of good Christian men to right off this evil army that is planning to invade this holy city. I will be willing to lead the army in to **Into. One word. **battle and I hope you will be willing to come with me seeing that you are a grate battle person who has won many battle despite being a women,"** Be careful. She's three times your size.** I said.

"Yes, I will battle with you when Stalin came," she replied submittals. **He'll be coming round the mountain when he comes.**

"Then we must prepare for a battle for I knew Stalin will try and siege Moscow's walls with dragons **I hope not a Hungarian Horntail. **he had found in Suburbia. **I can just imagine Stalin breaking into those two-car garages with their shiny driveways to get a dragon. **WE mustn't allow him to win no matter what. Russia's fate depends on this great battle we are about to fight," I said.

So we plained out the battle so that when Stalin came we would show him the might of Christian Russian empire. We also worked out a plan to rescue the Tsar who had been captured with his family in Stalin Town. **Bolsheviks overthrew the Tsar, not the Communists. **We decided that Grover would do this while the battle is going on and Stalin is distracted. And so we put this plan into action and this will be detailed in the next chapter. **I can hardly wait.**


	15. Chapter 15

Thomas Brown: The next chapter will deal with Grover in Stalin Town.** There's one thing I want to know- will he die again?**  
>Jesus Christ: Anymore news?<br>Thomas Brown: Yes, I like to mention that my cousin Ebony has decided not to help me with writing this story, but she is proofreading it.** Darn.**  
>Jesus Christ: Yes, she makes very good proofreading person, far better than your evil brother Noah!<strong> Don't be raggin' on Noah.<strong>  
>Thomas Brown: I prefer Ebony. I can at least talk about our Lord Jesus Christ, unlike my brother who has completely turned away from Christ! He has even admitted to being a bi person <strong>Oh, he came out of the closet? Congratulations! Wait, does coming out only apply to being gay, or being bi as well? <strong>(whatever that is, it must be some satanic cult worshiping a god named Bi).** Lol… hold on, something's inconsistent… he knew what being bi meant in Chapter 7 of Battle With The Witches… what changed? Does this knowledge come and go?**  
>Jesus Christ: That is truly awful.<strong> Why? What is so awful about admitting to being interested in both guys and girls?<strong>  
>Thomas Brown: Yes, but we must now go onto the story with deal with Grover in Stalin Town<strong> But that's boooooooooring.<strong>

**Chapter 12**

**An additional three chapters feel rejected.**

I, Grover of Christ, came to Stalin town, **Oh, Grover, we KNOW. **which was original named St Petersburg but renamed by Stalin after himself, hence Stalin town. **What's with you and repeating yourself? **I have been given a new assignment to take out two very evil threats that could compromise the mission to overthrow Stalin. Two of his evil henchmen had decided to create a secret police **Why are we still on the Bolsheviks? Stalin came a loooooooong time after that. **whose task it is to route any secret Christians hiding in Satan Two. I had created a church which their lives were at risk. So I decided to take on the mission to take them out.

I, along with Rachael, **Rachel Elizabeth Dare can now teleport too? Why can everybody except me teleport? It's not fair! **a deer friend of mine decided to locate the first person. His name was Benry (who once a upon a time called himself The Brat Man, and secretly wrote that evil satanic story My Immortal **Oh… my God… Tommy-boy actually knows it exists. **even though he denied it, despite there being a lot evidence towards him writing it) **I wasn't aware Benry was actually a fourteen year old poseur girl suffering from depression and an unhealthy obsession with Gerard Way named Tara Gilesbie. **who was living in the east part of Stalin town where my church was located. I gave the task of the over person to Rachael, whose mission will be discussed later in this story.** I can almost hear the fifth wall crumbling around my ears.**

And so I found Benry **I favourited Brasta Septim today. It was fun. **dealing with illegal drugs (but because Stalin had legalized drugs, he was allowed to continue, but because it is condemned under American law which is the law I go under, I had to punish him) **Yes, but we're not in Kansas anymore, Toto. **to a group of drug lords, named Rika and Book. **Who names their child Book? **So I took out my sniper rifle and waited for the ideal time to shot Benry. **Your way's not very sportsmanlike. **So I watched the scene unfold.

"Here are the drugs that you ordered," said Benry. "You better be careful with them."

"Yes, we will be careful with them. I will hand you the money now," said Rika.

"How much do the dugs cost?" asked Books.

"Ten dollars per kilogram," **Per kilogram? That's actually really cheap. Aren't drugs usually sold by gram? **Benry said evilly. **Why evilly? He seems like a very nice salesman. **"For all of this it will be twenty thousand dollars."** Who in the world needs two thousand kilograms? Do you have any idea how heavy that is? Do they even produce that much in a year?**

"Here is the money," said Rika, handing the money other.

"Here are the drugs," said Benry. Books disappeared very quickly, along with Rika, **With the two thousand kilograms? Books must be superman! **but I knew that I would take them on another day. I took out my rifle, aimed it at Benry, and with one bullet I shot him in head. **Wow, nice aim. **His head blew up and blood went everywhere. **Ew. Did not deserve that. **I was glad that the satanic scum was dead.** He was already dead in Battle With The Witches, dunce.**

I then went back to the church in west of Stalin in which Rachael was staying at. She was the first person to be converted to Christianity after Percy Jackson did and it was because of her that I was saved many times from death. After half an hour she had returned. She look at me and told me her story with other people watching in amazement.

"I, Rachael of Christ, **Do you all begin your sentences this way? I, Percy of Christ. I, Jerry of Christ. I, Simba of Christ. Be more original! **was given mission by Grover to kill a target. His named was Idiosy, who was one of the people that hacked into my second account (Benry hacked into my first account). **Rachel has a fanfiction account? What's her username? **I waited an hour where he was meant to be, but I discovered that my information was wrong.

"So I journeyed to a pool in which he was bathing with many naked women, **skinny-dipping is fun **all of them claiming to his wife, even though God told us that we are only allowed to have one wife and on wife only. **It's called Mormonism, though polygamy used to be acceptable in the other Abrahamic religions as well. **So I bided my time until all the women had left to take a shower. Idiosy stooped that to take a cigar. I got up really close, and with a dagger I stabbed him in the throat, and then in the balls. **Owwy! **I then got away before the guards of his so called wives came. I burnt down the house so that no one could find out what really happen, which also killed everyone inside, including his so called wives and guards," she told us her story.

I was so glad of what we had achieved, and I decided to send a letter to Jerry of what had happened. **FU, Tom and Jerry.**


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter 13**

I, Jerry of Christ, **What did I tell you about being original, **_**dear? **_along with Claire decided to plan our next move. And so we were there standing on the battle filed **Do you cut your nails or file them? I file… my mother always says that the key to a successful job interview is presentable nails, and filing is just neater. **waiting to see what Stalin planned to do next.

And Stalin came up to us with a sheer in his face. **Sheer is an adjective. **He looked really evil in his black amour also wearing a tee-shirt with an image of the devil on it.** Is it the "Come to the dark side- we have cookies" one? I love that one!** This made me really made that I wanted to punch in the face.** Now you know how I feel.**

"Well done," he said. "You managed to defeat my two main henchmen, but can you defeat me new one, replaced by other one Idiosy. His name is Rika, the person that was dealing drugs with Benry, although he had died as well. You will battle him."** These are truly terrible battle tactics. You do **_**not**_**, under any circumstances, reveal your sensitive points to the enemy. Like in Doctor Dodgeball… you don't tell the other team who your doctor is.**

So I stood and face me operant. **Cool beans. **He was really evil looking, a lot Robert Patterson, **I see you're Team Jacob. **who looks like satanic drug addict (who is also evil for playing a vampire). **He did look a bit stoned as Edward… he looked fine as Cedric, though. **As soon as our prayer warriors sounded the trumpet, the signal for battle of blood shall fall like a torch, because in wildly darted one another, as whetting their savage boar teeth began to fight with the dew of the foam of his beard, and they made you, every man under shield of their spears, but here is crouched idly off and if others saw his face on the crown of a spear, or directly intended thereat try to eager to him.

**I like Doctor Dodgeball. It's my favourite version. After King's Court. Elimination is boring. Scatter is fun, but it can get ugly.**

But both are so carefully guarded attitude by his spies' holes in their shields, which found nothing looters-in from the arms to make war with much sweat trickled from their terror. Rika kicking apart a sudden in the stone rolled away from under the tread exposed outside the shield, and a member of this author seeing that the case mentioned by the stroke of a spear in his hand, his leg and he went through the Argive shaft, whereat one and the satanic and cried for joy.** I don't understand, what's going on?**

Wounded a man, with shoulder kept the charge of lab or with all my strength plunged his spear into his breast Stan **Smith, the American tennis player? **this author, restoring the joy of the citizens, if the head from above the twinkling of an destroyed it, and retreated to the harm of weapon shivered weapon of another splintered the foot of the foot even to take a stone and he let it fly, and now a pair of be no fighting, he had lost between the lance. Clutching their sword hilts then they shut up, and roundabout, with their shields narrow, and having waged war at the country-folk.

**Okay, I think I get it now. There was a mighty duel. It ranged all over, they were both masters. **

**Who won? How did it end?**

**The loser went off alone. But the winner… followed those footsteps towards Guilder!**

Soon after, Rika introduced that crafty satanic trick with any of that country, disengaging from the conjunction of their knowledge of him at once a struggle back to their left foot into a pit next to another stomach held the eye from a distance and then he plunged his right foot by a weapon in the navel of his old age and fixed thorns.** Meep.** Down falls this author, blood-bespattered, the contracting ribs and belly in his agony. **Wha- no! As a writer, I refuse to let people who share my hobby be mutilated by… by… you know what, I'm running out of synonyms for "idiot". Synonyms4cinnamon, any help? **But thinking that it was full of victory, threw down his sword, and to him, intent on spoiling ignorant of himself.

And this was the fall of this author for the first who had revolted, yet breathing faintly, and made lab or more grievous retained last fall by his sword and thrust it in the heart of Rika. Established there according to foul teeth biting the dust but that is in his agony. And so the evil Rika was dead and I laughed at Stalin.

"You succeed in defeating him, **Rika is a girl's name. **but will you manage with the strong Books, who was original a secret Satanist but expresses his belief freely now," said Stalin.

"I will take him on now!" I said. And so the next battle with be in the next chatter.** SILENCE!**

***chirp, chirp***


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter 14**

**You know that warm, bubbly feeling you get when you realize you've almost gotten through another piece of Tommy-boy's crap? I'm starting to experience that right 'bout now.**

I then went up and faced my next opponent. Claire **Danes, the actress? **beg me not to fight but I knew I had to do it. She was cling to me feet but I went forward to face who I would eventual sent to hell. **With Claire Danes holding onto your feet? Impressive. Thank you for that lovely mental image. **This person was bigger than the person before.** In what sense, **_**dear**_**? ** He was called Books and he wrote pamphlet **A guy named Books writing pamphlets? That's like the son of a baker being named Peeta. **about bad thing about me and how I contradict my self all the time (which I don't) **Hehe. **and he mocks the words that I write by steeling them and added more words** Hey, that's kinda what I do! High five, Books!** (which are satanic scumist lies). So I took out my sword, and faced him.

"Jesses Christ is my saviour. **Not just Jesse's Christ. EVERYONE'S Christ. **HE will pretext me in my **key **lime** pie** of need. Where is your false gods now?" **They're on vacation in Tahiti. **I demanded. "I know perfumery well **Sniff sniff, hooray! **that your gods is not real but is a lie created by Stalin (which s secretly demon processed by the Satan, the worse demon of them all! And he is not a god!)" **Correct, technically he's an angel, isn't he? Really depends on your faith.**

"Laugh out loud," said Books.** My sentiments exactly.**

"Is that all you are going to say?" I assed.

"Laugh out loud," said Books again. I realized that the person was an idiot** No, honey, he's just mocking you. Nanananana!** only suited to telling lies and killing innocent Christians **When did he do that? **so I decided that I had enough **strawberry jello. I made instant jello today. I probably won't eat much of it, but it was fun. **and started the battle. However, both organized by the hole, **Will it lead us to Wonderland? **you can't find anything in the war on terror in his shield slowly adopted them spy the thief to sweat. Then suddenly, on the basis of the chemical forsake Ned **Flanders? **then my sword and beetles, I'm looking for my problems. **I can explain them to you in detail, if you so desire. **It seems that scary, but I ask, I feel very well, I knew boxy.** You know Boxy too? Isn't she just the sweetest?**

"You will never win," I yelled at the trope of my tong. **I find that sentence mildly amusing. **I took my sword and beheaded Books.** But I liked Books…** I took his head and put it on the stake so that everyone could see the evilness of Books.** Have you ever walked down the street, seen a head on top of a pole, and said "Look, it's an evil guy"?**

"Well done," said Stalin. **Shouldn't he be a little bit upset? **"But you haven't take on my main person that is here to kill you. Behold Grover **DRAMATIC GASP! **who I have demon processed." (By the way, the reason why Grover keeps coming back to life is because some atheist science keeps cloning just to annoy us Christians. **That explains so much, and yet so incredibly little. **We ARE trying to put an end to this, **We are experiencing technical difficulties. Please stand by. **so stop mentioning Grover keep combine back ok!)

"I will bring him on, even kill him if it means getting to you," **What happened to "bros 'til the end"? **I said. I then looked at my followers and then to the satanic scum on the over side of the battle field – especially the ones that were tractors and changed sides **Tractors turn kinda slow. They keep blocking traffic. **- and I said, "Why must you follow those fools. I know you very well; you would ever worship any false gods, because I know you were a Christian before I put you in this mess. I now ask you to help me and in my quest to bring down this evil Satanists, and remove all the evilness that it contains. Please help me, you are my only hope." And everyone cheered and both my army and Stalin's army turn against him.** Why don't we do that with every battle? It will prevent a lot of spilled blood and broken hearts.**

"All you armies are belonging to us," salad Claire.** The salads at Wendy's are pretty good.**

"Yes," Said Stalin," but Grover hasn't turned to your side. He is still under my control."** OBEY THE MILLENIUM ROD!**

"Don't you mean Satan? You are being just as much as he is," I said.

"Begonia** Isn't that a flower?** with you! GROVER! KILL HIM!" AND with that Stalin disapeeeeeered **Reeeeeealy? That's so meeeeeean. **using his Stan **Ivar, the actor? **powers. I stood to face Grover – my friend – and this will be detailed in the next chapter.** Why don't you just get it over with?**

**These next few verses will comfort you with God's holy words! Behold the grateness that is God! He will punish you if you do not conform to his ways:**

For this is the day of the Lord GOD of hosts, a day of vengeance, that he may avenge him of his adversaries: and the sword shall devour, and it shall be satiate and made drunk with their blood.

The LORD shall smite thee with a consumption, and with a fever, and with an inflammation, and with an extreme burning, and with the sword, and with blasting, and with mildew; and they shall pursue thee until thou perish.

He that smiteth his father, or his mother, shall be surely put to death.

Those that believe! Υου must fight those that do not believer, for they are near to you, and may you punish them.

'**Kay.**


	18. Chapter 18

_Author's note/ Hey this is Ebony again. Thomas has told me to post this chapter. _**Must you do as he says? And do you really call your own cousin "Thomas" instead of "Tom"? **_He wrote this yesterday so I have had time proofread it. _**You needed more. Not that I'm complaining.**_ Hopefully Thomas will be glad at what I've done. I know he is the hardest person to please, but I couldn't help myself. _**You're a sweet kid. Unfortunately, I still don't like you. **_I have only fixed most of the spelling and grammar errors but most of it is the work of Thomas and not me._

_(By the way, this is from Jerry's point of view if you are confused)_** Ebby-girl, I'm eternally confused when it comes to this.**

**Chapter Fifteen: Battle with Grover**

I stood up against Grover. **It won't be lo~ong, 'til I'm gonna need somebody to lean on. **His breath stank a lot as if it was rotten fish.** That's happened to me before. It's very unpleasant.** I knew this was a sign that he was possessed by a demon by Stalin's command. **No, it means he needs to devote more time and funds in his grocery shopping. The best indication of the freshness of a fish is the smell. At least, that's what I've heard... I don't eat fish. **Satan has many powers **such as making people's breath smell bad? **but they do not stand up against the awesomeness of Christ. I knew I had to face Grover even if it meant killing him because at least I know he will be going to heaven as it is not his fault.

"The one and only true God and his eternal begotten son Jesus Christ, please forgive me for my future deeds. **I believe the term is Pharisees. **The blood I will stain today will be on my enemies hand and not mine. Stalin has demon possessed my friend and he is not of own self. He cannot control what he does. I pray to you to spare his life is it comes to me ending it,"** He's going to regenerate AGAIN? WHEN WILL THIS NIGHTMARE END? **I prayed softly before going into battle.

"Pray as much as you want, your God will not save you," said Stalin laughingly. I ignored it.

I drew my sword and pointed it at Grover. He took out a massive club **LIKE A BAWSS **which he was planning to bash my head in. I knew I had to avoid this fate as I knew I still had work to do for my heavenly father up there in the clouds where the angelic birds sing great songs in the lord's holy city of New Jerusalem.** Tommy-boy, New Jerusalem is the term used for the modern part of Jerusalem, where the city part of it is. Not much religion there. The Old City part of Jerusalem, on the other hand, is where you'll find what you're looking for. Historical ruins, religious symbols, devout tourists, the works. It's pretty, but really crowded. Trust me, I've been there.**

**A bit too often.**

Grover swung his club at me trying to knock my other **original characters off their pedestals so this story would be more bearable. **but I ducked it. I managed to stab him once but it did not penetrate him for he was wearing lots of armour. **The army finally invest in better bronze, I see? **He swung his club again and this time it hit me. **Yayerz! **I fell to the ground. Grover then swung his club over his head and onto the ground hoping to finish me off. But quickly I rolled and dodged the slam of the club. The ground shook as the club penetrated the ground. **Grover's gotten stronger? Must be the protein shakes, falcon eggs, and rocks paying off. **Quickly I stabbed my sword into Grover's chest, this time succeeding in penetrating. He started to scream. I got up onto my feet.

"Give Grover** a million dollars and a juniper tree for being able to cope with you for so long**, you are being controlled," I demanded. "Please, you are my friend." Grover simply groaned at me.** If I may input my opinion, it might be because you just STABBED HIM IN THE CHEST.**

"Yes, he is under my control. He will kill you if you don't kill him,"** Kinda hard when your heart has been pierced.** said Stalin. I really wanted to kill Stalin but I knew I needed to finish Grover off first. So as Grover charged at me swinging his club, **I see that the intense stamina isn't limited to Grover's sexual capabilities. **I dodged the club and stabbed my sword into Grover's throat. Blood then started splatted out of his throat and into my face, blinding me. **Ew. **I could even taste the ungodly blood. Grover dropped to the ground.

Suddenly Stalin disappear using satanic magic. **Apparition is fun. **We buried Grover because he was under control by Satan and wasn't his fault. Books and Rika were left to rot on the battlefield; those satanic atheistic scum. We returned back to the church in Moscow to plan the invasion of Stalin Town and to free the Tsar, who **died 23 years before Stalin became the premier of the Soviet Union **would then take over Russia as a holy Christian King!

_Author's note/ Just to mention, Thomas will returning home tomorrow_** Darn**_ so he will be continuing in writing this story. _**Double darn. **_Sorry but I will not be proofreading anymore of this Fan-fiction, Thomas will be doing that. ):_


	19. Chapter 19

**Hello! I'm back, I have way too much caffeine in my system, I wanna get through this as fast as I can so I can start Evil Gods Part Two and be free of this swollen monstrosity, and I'm sure all you are too. If you are willing to read the next commentaries, be my guest. If not, please at least check in on my mental health every once in a while.**

Chapter 16

Stalin was having a bad day. **Then give him some chamomile tea and a fat-free cookie, why tell us? **Not only had his greatest warrior Grover had been defeated, but he also was in a billion dollars into debt because he worshiped the devil and this was his punishment. **They tax you on your beliefs? I suppose it really is all about the money these days. **He was eating his** Count Chocula** cereal when he came up with a very good idea – he would allow anyone to believe in whatever they wanted to – **That IS a good idea! **and went to make this happen for real.

I found out about it the fray after burying Grover – we were in the church reading the newspaper. **Was it The Onion? I love The Onion! **We were really angry at this **Why? By saying anyone could believe in what they wanted, he's basically saying you're free to worship the disgusting bloodthirsty creature you dare to refer to as Jesus. **and decided to acted at once. We got all the Christians we knew together before Stalin could make this actually happen, and then we went to Stalin town with a massage army. **Send them to Wheretheheckistan too. My shoulders are sore. **We had lots of axes to cut those satanic scums in half. **But axes are so large and ungainly… why don't you use a pen and a peace treaty instead?**

"I will lead you on a great battle against these evil things. I will tell you something, this battle is not in vixen, **I know Dasher and Dancer and Prancer, but I don't know Vixen. **we will ill!** Will you have a very shiny nose?** Come all your rube **Rube- an unsophisticated person from a rural area; hick. I believe that describes Tommy-boy rather well.** relievers and help me take down this tyrant how plans to make atheists and Satanist legal!" I said to my army.** They **_**are**_** legal, dear.**

"Guess that malicious hackers or **Ritz **crackers are that enters the government and two of the three computers in the enterprise - producing computer viruses and Trojan horses, denial of service attacks against Internet service providers and send hate mail, spam and email bombs. You got it! It's basically atheists," said Ebony.** No, it's criminals and really, **_**really**_** bored people.**

"The following examples are the principles of atheism are also shown in the polytheism wrong.** Atheists cannot be polytheists since they don't believe in a deity to begin with, you silly nincompoop.** Here are some reasons that withdrawals betrayal atheism - belief in Jesus Christ. I ask you to consider these factors carefully," I replied.** I can't consider if you don't have a point.**

And with this brave remark we charged into Stalin town bravely without fear. I got to Stalin's house – Clare was with me along with Ebony – and we charged into the house and found Stalin there eating his cereal, **Exact same thing happened to me this morning. Except nobody broke into my house. And I was eating a bagel. **thing about the mobile he was able to do to us to do to us to do to us to do.

**To do to us to do to us to do to us to do… a-wimoweh, a-wimoweh, a-wimoweh, a-wimoweh…**

"You time is up," we yelled, taking out our guys.

"But I was only trying to help," said Stalin.

"They only person you were trying to help were yourself! **Not really… communism doesn't really pose much of an advantage to those of higher financial standing. **You evil satanic Kant!"** That was crude. **and we shot them all dead. And he was died. We laughed for how each he was and how easily this fight was.** Huh?**

"Nolan denim vows hoodia consider are quod duo principia deco: Abundant ET fame ET muumuu ET quondam - simplex duo bus principia's, none? Stunt atom ET duo quae pluribus indisputable lections' ex ibis principia. Ad cognoscente, sported vinculum multitude gentilium et atheis nec principium copia et penuria christifideles principium inopia. Lectiones, quae facienda sunt, quae sequuntur: si frequentia et athei ceteris denarios vel paganus vel jewelry ..Cetera vera sunt christiani, alius generis eiusdem, seu omnia veri Christiani maioris pretii fore pretiosum propter tenuitatem. Sed nulla esset omnibus gentibus ET athei quia tanta illis. Atheismus est nequam!" I said as we walked out of the horse burn in it.

**Translation-**

"**In fact, Nolan vows **(Robin) **Hood consideration are two principles that are breaking down, and a wealth of hunger and a muumuu **(Isn't that a kind of pajama?) **- two of the leaders that's simple, none? Assist the two atoms, and that many indisputable lesson from the go. The knower, the band sported the pagans and atheists do not want the Christian principle of supply and lack of principle. The readings, what should be done, the following: if the assembly of the atheists and the rest of the coins or jewelry or a pagan .. the rest are true Christians, and another of the same class, or all things true Christians would be more valuable for the sake of a precious rarity. **(Pah.) **But all nations, and there would be no atheists because it is so great to them. Atheism is worthless! " I said as we walked out of the horse burning in our words.**

**Kony 2012.**


	20. Chapter 20

**The Last Chapter**

**O tidings of comfort and joy!**

And so me and Claire came back victorious. Finally we had won the wore. The Tsar was put back onto the throne and we were knighted for all the good work we had done. **Did they even have knights in Russia when it was a monarchy? I can't be sure. When I tried to check on the internet, all I got was some Air Force thing. **After that we went back through the portal were we came across our friend Ebony who was waiting there for us. She was with Grover.** Like a time lord.**

"Now we must go back to camp half-blood and tell everyone the good news that Stalin and Lenin had been destroyed and we put the tsar back onto the throne. Communism and Satanism **I don't remember you going forward in time and killing Anton LaVey. **never came to Russia," said Ebony.

"Yes," I said. And finally I can retire **Retire? You're sixteen. **for I have done much good work for our lord Jesus Christ.

"I will too retire," said Ebony. "I will give guidance to those that still need it."

"Yes, I will to too," I said. And so finally our adventures ended. **Brilliant. **We lived happily ever after in Kansas where we come from and live with **the munchkins **our family.

The rest of the story of the prayer Warriors will be by the character Percy Jackson and his friends. Grover and Claire went back the two camps to check up on them which will detailed in the Evil Gods Part Two, if you haven't read it yet read it!** I don't read ahead of what I'm commentating to avoid my head exploding in little tiny pieces. Join me in the next petite ****pièce**** de ****merde****.**

THE END** HOORAY!**

PS: Sorry for being too short **Please don't apologize. Do it more often. **for I needed to end this as soon as possible. **So did I. **Also read my cousin stuff on ponies.** I was going to, but then I realized I love MLP too much.**

PS: Because Ebony and Michael are not related, they got married. Also Jerry went to Africa to feed pork children the word of God.** A lot of African children are Muslim. They don't eat pork.**

**I made it through another one! Just… 34 chapters to go.**


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